1. Feel like Bhishm Pitamah : have taken a severe vow and will now find a way to make it happen. Nothing I've done so far has prepared me for this
2. The food part, explaining to everyone, is tough. Has taken couple of days for hotel & office staff to get it right
3. Realize more than ever that Mumbai is full of street food hawkers
4. Am a minor celebrity at the hotel, everyone seems to know about my diet
5. Went to a filmy do yesterday, sponsored by Jameson. When an acquaintance walked up to greet me, all I could think of when he hugged me was the smell of prawns (chilly prawns) on his breath. Has my sense of food smell become more acute ?
6. Am sticking to only water for drinks. And food without any condiments, incl no salt, for now. Starting with the torture test. Will modify if need be
7. Have begun reading Experiments of Truth. It isn't an easy read due to its episodic nature, was written chapter by chapter for a newspaper. Also quite preachy, surprising as always thought of MKG as quite humble
8. The 5 star sadhu. While my food habits are Spartan, am staying in places that I normally did, the 5 star hotels
9. Trying to cut down dramatically on tv as well. Finding that quite easy so far. True test will be the weekend
10. MKG 'to be fair to my wife, I must say that she was never the temptress. It was therefore the easiest thing fir me to take the vow of brahmacharya, if only I willed it. It was my weak will or lustful attachment that was the obstacle' pg243
11. Diets are very tough to enforce with mom around. Actually make that parents, since dad also does get all worked up but not in as obvious a way
12. Mom says she couldn't sleep, after seeing how rigid I am about the diet and how small the bowl is. She's now spending a lot of time thinking on what to give me, which is kind of defeating the purpose. Am making her come around slowly.
13. Trying also to overcome laziness. Not vegetate in front of the tv, do my own work myself, get up & put my own things in the sink, play with the kids more actively etc. I think we, the entire Indian middle class, is spoilt with domestic help & have forgotten to do things ourselves
14. So MKG apparently lived for years on just fruits & nuts. No cooked food. For him it was all about food which didn't excite the senses
Week 2
15. Cheating : the thought of cheating has flashed in my head a couple of times. The thought, that since I travel so much, I can easily do it without ever being 'caught', has struck me. Luckily, each time, it has only made me smile. Am not constructed like that. Either I do something wholeheartedly or I don’t. I'm doing it for myself, I've decided to do this & do it this way without anyone entering the decision making process. So question of getting caught doesn’t arise. I'm the one who has to be convinced.
16. Finished reading MKG. Lots to admire in the man. Iron willpower, clear focus. An ability to introspect with a brutal spotlight on self. He gave up a life of riches (was a qualified, practicing barrister in UK, South Africa and India) to live the life of the poor - so that he could better understand their issues. His comments on third class travel probably true of the unreserved coaches even today. I always feel the ruling class of today is completely cut off from the common man and his problems. Once you're an MP, as pointed out by Pritish Nandy a few years back in his TOI blog, everything is taken care of for you. A phone call solves every problem. How then will they ever understand issues like the PDS, the issues in getting a ration card, electricity connection, permissions to open a small restaurant, train booking etc. How can so much of our security system (apparently approx 16-30%) just be deployed to protect the ruling class ? Need someone akin to Gandhiji at the top once again, if only for a little while
17. He did also seem very rigid. Completely stubborn and determined to ensure people around him tried to conform to his way of life. Celibacy, the simple life etc. He thought the binoculars of an English friend of his were too ostentatious. So he spoke to him and then tossed them into the ocean so that they could set the right example for people. He was obsessed with diet, trying various kinds of regimes to ensure proper nourishment yet at low cost so that the poor could afford them. And its not totally clear why he was so gung ho on celibacy. The logic is only partially shared.
18. The food part is the toughest amongst the three (food, alcohol, sex), alcohol the easiest. When I travel to different places, am fond of trying, eating the local specialties and to not be able to partake at all is tough. Hyderabad and Goa already happened and am fond of Biryani & kebabs of the former and seafood of the latter. Have looked and smiled. God willing, there will be many more opportunities.
19. Wrote down my diet regime on a piece of paper. Now whenever I go to a new place, all I have to do is show it. Worked brilliantly in Taj Vivanta, Goa. The chef here also outdid himself in providing food that was the tastiest I've had so far within the constraints imposed by me. Kudo's to him, he seemed to take it on as a personal challenge, very kind of him. He also asked me if I was part of a movement...(which has sparked off some thoughts, I must say. more on that later)
20. No sex is proving easier than I thought. have ensured minimal temptation. Avert looking when my wife is changing. Have reduced hugging and eliminated kissing. Miss the human touch but so far not too badly.
21. Objective : Lot of people keep asking me, often in exasperation, 'but why are you doing this ?'. I actually didn’t start because of something specific or with a particular objective and somehow people find that very hard to digest. Life moves in very strange ways and trying different things can only be beneficial. I had increasingly got the feeling, especially towards the end of last year, that I was becoming too rich for my comfort and middle class upbringing. life was one 5 star hotel after another, one gala dinner followed by the other, one exotic holiday and then another. on Bali I spent more than I ever thought I would for a holiday. it made me uncomfortable, not because I couldn’t afford it but more because I wasn’t sure who I was becoming. never wanted to become the guy who spends obscene amounts for clothing, brand names etc. realised some moderation was called for. Around the same time, read Mira and the Mahatma, which brought Mahatma's teachings gushing back into my head. Had been quite dramatically influenced by him / the words on the walls in my last visit to Sabarmati ashram a few years back. Had really liked the idea of 'Aswad', his concept of food being to take only enough to nourish and sustain the body, without any regard to taste.
22. Alcohol, I found I was drinking too much for even my comfort. Medical tests showed no issues, liver, kidneys fine. but I could feel that it was too much. one thing I've carried in my head since my annual medical tests started in UK was that they would always lay a lot of emphasis on # of alcohol free days in every week. And last few months of 2011 I think I had alcohol with more regularity than ever before. as part of my job, networking meant drinking with different sets of people. at home, my wife and family would look forward to me coming home and having a drink with them. I was their 'break'. so felt trapped in both places. I was always on top of it, wasn’t addicted to it or even close, was able to stop for a few days to test it etc but still felt a break was needed
23. Sex has always been important. Maybe it was time to take a break
24. I read a book about MKG as well. Mira and the Mahatma and Experiments with Truth. it somehow all came together.
20th February ‘12
25. Going to friends home for a meal involves letting them know that I’m not eating or drinking anything. Which implies fielding a host of questions about the diet / lifestyle. Which in turn invariably leads to a spirited debate about my choices.
26. There is no loss of energy due to my new lifestyle. Feel quite fit & healthy actually
27. Most people have reacted violently to the ‘no salt’, they feel that is extremely dangerous healthwise. Given my disdain for the science of food and their repeated flip flops + the fact that its only for 3 months am steaming right on ahead
28. Was earlier unsure on whether to attend parties, events. Expose myself to all the consumption & temptation. Have realized its not an issue at all. If you’re clear in your head then circumstances cant affect you.
29. My wife is yet to get used to my diet, my timings. Am getting better though at not showing anger. Able to remain quiet, let it be. Any missed meal / bowl, I simply take it to be ‘Fasting’. Be grateful for even the remaining bowls after all.
30. Yesterday, at a friends place, during the unavoidable discussion about me, new theory came to light. The parents of my friends yoga teacher says it takes 21 days for body to get used to any new routine – whether food or exercise. I think in my case its faster. Don’t recall much discomfort after 2 weeks, 14 days.
31. Am I also becoming quieter ? a friend had jokingly posted on FB in reaction to my diet that ‘maun vrat’ is a natural corollary of my diet but I feel its true. Not just a consequence of diet but also my lifestyle, readings.
32. The best part is increased activity, more time spent with kids. A natural consequence of less tv and less time with the wife. Wonder if they’ve noticed it too. Trying to play more games with them, go for more walks. Wonder what is the impact of their observing me go on these diets / new routines ? do they view it as a good thing or just another part of their ‘crazy dad’ (which also could be a good thing in this otherwise extremely straitjacketed world ?)
24th February ‘12
33. Just finished a conference, our annual group get together in Raichak, near Kolkata. Found it interesting but had to spend to much time explaining to different people what I’m upto and dodging the inevitable questions that follow, including the omnipresent ‘why?’ usually with a couple of exclamation marks. I think I’ll be glad when I enter my second month. By then most people around me will have become aware of my needs and the questions will have stopped.
34. Weight loss I guess is the biggest and most obvious indicator to those unaware, that I’m upto something. I’ve lost about 7 kgs so far, but people feel its more. A few are alarmed, wondering if my health is ok. Others absorb the information about my diet with the sobering internal thoughts going through their heads of whether they’re up to it. I find a lot of people discussing their own diets with me, talking about different diet plans they’ve tried and the results, measured in kgs lost. When I tell them weight loss wasn’t at all an objective in what I’m doing, apart from the few who know me well and are aware that I’m quite plain speaking by nature, most look at me quite skeptically.
35. Greed : Where better than at a conference or a marriage can you see how much we as a race tend to consume in excess of what our bodies need ? greed, I guess, manifests itself in most of our pursuits. A lot of us spend their lifetime acquiring more money than they can spend in their life and rarely being able to devote much time to enjoying the fruits of their labour. In terms of sex, men especially, we have thoughts that are hungrier than what our bodies can usually deliver (or at least one particular muscle can deliver). And in food, for sure, we have eyes and desires that far outweigh what our body really needs.
36. I’ve always wanted to retire early, recognized long back that if I continue work, given the pace of modern office life, will never be able to give vent to all the passions that I enjoy, learn all the things that I want to. I recognized pretty early on that money is a necessary evil. Hence have never hungered after it too much, have been able to retain a sense of balance and understand the difference between pursuit of money vs pursuit of what luxuries I need. Yet now, when I stand at the cusp of retirement, comes the greed of empire building. The last few years have been kind to me. I can accumulate wealth at a far more rapid pace than before. Logic then goes that I invest more, work for a few more years so that I can truly ensure maintenance of the comforts that I believe are essential to me and then call it a day. However, I equally realize that any more delay and one of my biggest desires, that of being able to spend more quality time with my kids, will go unfulfilled. Another five years and my son, for sure, will be leading his own life and will probably be about to embark on a solo flight to some college. Finding the right moment, the right balance between the work I do (which is quite enjoyable and one of my passions) and time with my kids (which I believe is the single most important thing I can do) is going to be my biggest challenge in the months to come
37. A work associate had a long chat with me and expressed a keen desire to meet me more often. He’s much older than me, has young grandchildren, is an empty nester, possesses a very amiable disposition and is a treat to talk to. He is a self confessed workaholic. Has earned a lot of money during his career and has invested it amazingly well, far better than I could ever dream of doing, and as a result has absolutely no need to be working at all. He wishes to learn from ‘young’ people like me the art of work life balance. He admires that in me, wishes when he was younger he had developed more pursuits outside of work etc. Its always been fun chatting with him and discussing business, our work culture etc and now, as our conversation takes a more personal and intimate turn, its becoming more enjoyable as I get to know him. Am quite flattered that he thinks highly of me and how I live. Am at a serious risk of getting a swollen head (can hear my wife saying that I already have one….)
38. Another friend, again Kolkata based, had an interesting take on what I’m doing. He called it the desire to conquer all desires. Hadn’t thought of it that way and was quite intrigued. He then thought further for a bit and said, the only thing remaining is the conquest of weather. And was suitably impressed when I let him know that I have always been indifferent to the weather – usually the last person to start sweating or the last person to put on a sweater in the two extremes. And I also believe we spend too much time thinking or complaining about an element that is simply not in our control and have lots of ways to mitigate / take care of.
39. For me this was never about testing myself, any conquest or a test of my will power. Have been very secure about who I am, my willpower (which has never let me down) for a few years now. Anger is probably one evil I would like to conquer. Too often it rises in me when I’m around those that I love the most and funnily never in the workplace. Am hoping this lifestyle will help me, I genuinely do feel calmer and life does seem to have a lot more clarity. Its almost as if I’m being able to focus on the big picture better.
40. One thing that is a struggle is to stop thinking about what I’m going to do when this ends. What are the foods that I’m going to eat, which drinks will I consume and how will I taste the pleasures of the flesh again. As Gandhi ji had pointed out, if you go through life abstaining but desiring something else, there is no point. You’re simply not being true to your own nature. This is one battle that arises quite often and so far I’ve been able to win but not destroy the thought from springing again. I truly do not want to think about life after these three months and hope that the answers will come to me by themselves towards the end of my experiment.
41. Most chefs, when informed about my diet, are really going out of their way to provide me food. Have realized it takes a couple of iterations before they really get it, even after reading my pretty detailed and specific instructions. The toughest thing they find in terms of comprehension is the ‘one bowl’ concept – they usually get me the right stuff but in 2-3 bowls. And the other is the ‘no clarifications / don’t ask me’ – they usually start discussing what they’re going to serve me. But so far its been great. Chef Raunak at ITC Sonar, Anand (manager, fFort, raichak) and of course, Sachit (mentioned above, from Taj Vivanta, Panjim), Vanessa at the office and the entire team at Lands End, my home away from home, have been splendid. With my visit to Delhi next week, will have covered all my regular haunts and so hopefully will not have to explain everything afresh to anyone
42. Ritu, my wife, is yet to truly get into the groove. Don’t think she has given it much thought in advance, so usually ends up doing things last minute. And since our house was out of most provisions last weekend, ended up having fruit mostly. I think, without saying anything, my face showed some annoyance at the lack of thought going in (probably unfair on my part), and so she herself sent me a text as I left, promising to be better prepared this coming weekend.
43. With Vanessa and Lands End, they seem to have fallen in a bit of a rut, ending up serving the same thing everyday. I guess creativity, given my restrictions was always going to be challenging, but having the same food everyday isn’t what I’m used to. There also seems to be a surfeit of carrots – it seems to find its way in most of my meals and boiled carrots is not something I can recommend. Sachit had used herbs to impart some taste and that had genuinely made a difference. However, since the idea is not to think about food and to accept what is given, have not let anyone know there is any sort of issue. More carrots await…should have perfect 20/20 vision by the time this is over…
44. Missing meals – fasting / flights. Given my hectic travel schedule its almost become a norm to miss meals. Unless I travel with a couple of bananas in my bag, I’m unable to have anything on flights / airports. And I spend about as much time travelling to, from and in them as at home on weekends. Whether economy in Indigo or Biz class in Jet Airways, they’re usually not carrying fruit. And anything else is liberally laced with salt and pepper. I’ve adopted the Gandhian approach to this, assuming it’s a fast. After all, I was doing an entire day without food / water as well every year. So what if I skip a meal. There are a lot of my countrymen who do so as well. And not just one meal. This approach helps take all this in my stride.
29th February ‘12
45. Felt it would be criminal not to write on this day. I wanted to get married or at least engaged on this day but was shot down. The economic and practical sense of having to celebrate only once in 4 years didn’t appeal to all around me. I love this day and the uniqueness associated with it. I really enjoy, revel in the uniqueness of my birthday as well – another thing I have to thank my parents for.
46. Mortality – thoughts around mortality have increased last couple of years. Watching people around me pass away, the thoughts around is everything organized well enough if I were to also bite the dust have increased of late.
47. Sheraton, Saket, Delhi, has been one of my favorite haunts last few years thanks to its location (not too far from Gurgaon, near South Delhi and next to a massive mall & multiplex). I usually stay here if I have meetings in Delhi or Westin, Gurgaon if my meetings are there. In terms of what they’ve served me though, upon being informed of my diet, it has been the worst. Of the 6 meals I had there, I got boiled veggies thrice, cut fruit twice and khichdi laced with boiled vegetables the sixth. Most uninspiring and least effort food. However, as per my policy, I smile, refrain from any comments, thank God for my meal and carry on
48. It also marks the end of month one of my lifestyle. Had promised to self and to loved ones that I would review, assess where I am at this point. I’ve decided that I’m going to continue all three aspects (food, alcohol, sex) in exactly the same way
49. However, have decided to set a weight loss limit. Upon inspecting the weighing scale recently and realizing that I’ve lost a lot of weight (7.5 kgs so far) and am beginning to reach scrawny level, I’ve decided that when I touch 11 kgs of weight loss, will amend the food diet. Till then, Veni, Vidi, Vici…
50. Lots of choices went through my head before deciding on the above. Should I start taking salt / spices – this would have the benefit of me being able to have street food / meals in planes etc again ? what about breads ? or at least juices instead of my strictly only water regime ? I feel anything else would be a compromise, and its not necessary right now. Am feeling good, energetic and feel its helping make me appreciate my rather privileged lifestyle and things which I used to take for granted.
51. Celibacy and alcohol have been surprisingly rather easy to decide to continue for the entire duration of three months. Never thought life without sex and drink would be that easy to lead.
52. Being offered tea, coffee when visiting others. Serving only water seems to imply that you’re not being a good host. Short of taking offence, people have tried every other tactic to make me have something when I’m visiting other offices. Being slightly reticent, I try not to let office acquaintances into details of my lifestyle but smilingly stick to ‘I don’t drink anything else’.
53. Have realized I’m enjoying more free time / space. Am not so concerned about fixing up my social calendar, there are fewer messages with a result that there is more time to myself. While I’ve always been comfortable being by myself, I’ve had company most evenings for the past few years. Not caring about it anymore, only partly I guess, because I don’t want more discussion about my lifestyle, am spending time watching movies, writing, reading and thinking about work strategies.
54. More focus on work has been a welcome accompaniment of my experiment. The issue with entering a new industry, hiring domain experts is that you have to trust them for a bit, let them be.
55. One of my MBA batch-mates, a person who I’ve always looked up to, been a bit in awe of, came over to interview me. Specializing in organizational change, she wants to meet people who’ve chosen interesting career options. It was quite a different experience, recounting my life as a professional, trying to articulate why I made some of the choices I did. What stood out for her is that I seemed to always know what I wanted, was upto with a clear logic for what I did. Either I’m more focused than most or better at articulating than others. Either way, I’m flattered.
2nd March ‘12
56. Celibacy : Its now a month. This includes no self-help and is definitely the longest I’ve gone without either sex or masturbation since I started either. It hasn’t been that big a deal. I miss kissing, cuddling and even the sex but am particularly proud of is that there has been no nightfall either. As per Gandhian philosophy, even the thought is bad, and no nightfall seems to demonstrate there is control over the mind as well.
57. Thanks to a rotten banana & the consequent stomach upset though, have had a bad time this entire week. Painful but no option but to soldier on. Have had to stop my exercises but am determined to resume asap when better. Hopefully the end is near. And isn’t it always the case when unwell, work seems to be at its peak ?
58. People now remarking everywhere on weight loss. Smiling and shrugging it off in most places. With close friends letting them know what I’m upto.
59. Have instructed my office assistant to mix things up a bit. She had relapsed into serving me the exact same thing everyday. Seeing the amount of days I spend at Lands End, will probably do the same there. Yesterday night, reached the hotel late which meant none of the regulars who prepare my meals were there. At 2 am wasn’t much fun explaining my food criteria.
12th March ‘12
60. Work these days – hectic pace, partly driven by the time / work itself (annual plan, other things coming to a head). When working late in the evenings, watching people gorge on vada pav’s / sevpuris is tough – especially since this is stuff I really relish. But so far am managing to resist.
61. I realize now the advantage of doing this in an ashram. At least there, since everyone is on the same thing, you are not exposed to so much temptation ? However, since it’s a false world, not in synch with the real world, if the experiment has to result in true change then I’m convinced it has to be done as I’m doing it – outside, amongst people living their lives normally, eating, drinking as I myself did. I go when invited to dinners, drink parties, weddings – secluding myself, isolating myself isn’t going to serve any purpose. It may be baptism by fire, but it’s the best way…
62. Celibacy seriously threatened at home. The trick is where do you draw the line with your own wife ? A hug ? A kiss ? A peck on the cheek ? its proving harder than I expected to draw a line and maintain it. Though in my defence, its not just about my need. I am very proud of what I’ve managed to stick to so far. And if I go with MKG’s key indicator – I don’t think about sex too much and also have no nightfall (which further reinforces that I’m not thinking about it).
63. Food is growing more tempting these days. The thoughts of taking a bite as people around me eat has taken tangible form a few times. However, have always been able to get rid of the thought quickly. And of late, even if the thought comes in, I can think through it and still be firm in my resolve. Am quite happy that am being able to think thoughts and still stay peaceful.
64. Travel remains tough. Not easy to get food outside my regular haunts. Have missed several meals this way.
65. The weight loss continues to get commented on. Its not about it but I guess it is the most visible feature so have to get used to it. I fully anticipate a) that I will regain the weight in a very short span of time if I start eating again normally b) I’m enjoying the attention c) my clothes are rapidly becoming the wrong size. Half my stuff is too big already. D) I will lose less weight going forward in the next month and a half than I have done in the time gone past. Most of what has disappeared is the low hanging fruit
66. I find myself being able to think more clearly. Its as if the brain – helped by less distractions / more sleep – is able to solve complex things extremely easily. Have to work on being able to take people along with me though – especially my work colleagues – not everyone is like me, have to realize that people can behave differently, have different expectations in the same circumstances.
67. There are so many myths around MKGs sexual habits. Rumours are rife around his massages, naked nieces sleeping next to him etc. Have researched and spoken to some knowledgeable persons and can safely pronounce that they are not true
68. Was talking to my wife the other day – we, all humans, have such a tendency to eat more than we need. I can recall buffet breakfasts where I have eaten more in a single meal than I currently do in a week. My body seems none the worse for it. Thoughts on what I will do post the 3 months are beginning to creep in as I near the halfway mark. My predilection right now is to retain the four bowls concept while beginning to eat everything (non-veg, spices etc). if possible, I would like to confine the ability of not thinking about food but accepting whatever is served in the bowl. While this will place a lot of pressure on those around me, it would help me. May have to find a way to balance it – let someone decide one week and I’ll do it another ?
69. Exercise has become an integral part of my life. Its helping me work off anger, tone my body, feel prouder of how I look, and I really really feel fit…
70. Am able to sleep longer hours – I genuinely feel I have slept more hours in last month than any other period in last 25 years. However, have still not reached the stage where I am able to wake up at a desired time without an alarm clock. Seem to be making up for all the sleep that I’ve missed out on over past so many years. Normally, for example, I would stay up late for soccer matches or if there is a good movie coming – now I choose to switch off the Tv and go to sleep. Again, I think there is a balance that needs to be struck. Am trying to think of the groans and moans that will greet me if I were to announce every alternate weekend as a no tv / computer / electronic games weekend. I think its worth trying though. Will force us to do stuff together, and hopefully rediscover the joys of the natural world
22nd March ‘12
71. Having now crossed the weight limit I’d set myself prior to the experiment, having been commented upon by friends, been threatened by family and even at work to not lose anymore weight, I’ve been thinking of what modification to make to my life to stop further weight loss. Disturbing the four bowls routine (which I enjoy) or the vegetarian aspect (so dear to Gandhiji) is out of the question. Variables which I can play with are salt / spices / bread / oil / sugar. Spices were linked inextricably to celibacy (or rather ‘impure’ thoughts) by him. As was milk, by the way. Am probably going to try to add back salt / spices / bread. Maybe for two bowls or all four.
72. Am extremely proud of the celibacy aspect. Feel have conquered a need which at moments held me hostage. Have been quite relaxed last couple of months, not many thoughts about it. No physical manifestations at all of any incorrect thoughts. Feeling good.
73. Have had fascinating conversations with some friends and also a couple of chefs. Seem to have inspired many people to try this or variants. Have also noticed increasingly in my circle that a lot of people are into something – spirituality / diet / exercise wise – starting from yoga, to trying to eat 6 meals a day to meditation or chanting. Despite increasing prosperity and success, there seems to be a dissatisfaction with life. A ‘is there is all there is to life’ question mark, which impels them to try new things.
74. A friend, encouraged by the weight loss tried the food part of my regime and gave up the same day. I think you have to be clear why you’re doing it.
75. A chef I met in Kolkata hesitatingly approached me and started asking lots of questions. Is very encouraged to try it but of course, with his job will find it impossible to be strict about the food aspect. He is quite attracted to the aspect of being calmer, clearer.
76. My kids are raring for me to return to normalcy, at least as far as meat eating is concerned. They miss our cookery sessions on weekends, the steaks, the exotic culinary concoctions we conjure up. Subtle hints, pressure has begun to be applied. Had prepared cocktails for some friends last weekend
77. Have been firm in my resolve not to think too much about life after the end of three months and leave it to the last week. It’s the only way to be able to savour what I’m doing, else would be thinking about it all the time.
29th March ‘12
78. The compliments have increased. People insist that I look 10 years younger. The more brazen ones throw figures of 12-15 years around. A recent hair cut would’ve helped along with an unabated weight loss. Some people have not been able to recognize me. Others gasp in amazement. In a recent case, when a work associate was informed about some of my batchmates working in his company, he looked puzzled and questioned how could I be the same batch as them when they were 40+. Am flattered. And enjoying it
79. The weight loss though has reached a point where I don’t want to lose anymore. Am at my college level now. More reduction wouldn’t be desirable from a health point of view. Have been told by my boss and family the same in no uncertain terms. I feel fit, fine, alive, energetic, healthy. But I can equally recognize signs recently of being physically weaker.
80. The question is now what to do for month3 ? Drop the diet, modify it or continue as is ? And what about the other aspects – the only water/ celibacy ? Do I delink or keep them together. Given that Gandhi ji’s diet was an outcome of his decision on celibacy and of being a good Hindu boy (as per a vow made to his mother).
31st March ‘12
81. Its now 2 days since I decided to end my lifestyle experiment a month early. Primarily driven by my continuing weight loss and also the impact it was having on my family, especially my Dad. I realized that all the three tenets (food, alcohol, sex) were inextricably interlinked. Modifying one, say food, would likely have an effect on at least one of the other. And I’m also an extremist – if you do something, do it properly, else don’t do it at all.
82. I’ve really enjoyed what I’ve done. And fully expect some of the effects / learnings to stay with me for some time (forever sounds too grandiose, unreliable). Amongst them is the realization that most of the human race lives to eat, rather than the commonly thought eats to live. We ingest enormous quantities of food, way more than our bodies need, just because we are slaves to taste, peer pressure and conspicuous consumption (ie we eat just because its there and we can). I can swear that I’ve eaten more in a single buffet meal (esp breakfast while on holiday) than I now eat in a week, definitely in terms of calories if not quantity. And while my weight loss suggests that I may not have got my current quantity right, its not too far off from what I need.
83. Am also quite sure that I will repeat this again, on a regular basis. Maybe for a month, twice a year or something like that. It toughens the body, the mind, ensures we are not slaves to our desires, more in control of self, not dictated to by the environment. Also, teaches us to focus on what is more important to us.
84. The last 2-3 days have been toughest. Its as if my body knows that the life I’ve chosen is about to come to an end, and so my senses seem to have returned in full force, cravings are back. Its been tough to look at people eating at dinner tables, crossing roads filled with food hawkers, or watching my family consume a quiet glass of wine. It was quite easy the last couple of months but its as if the blinkers are about to come off, so the horse is getting restless in anticipation.
85. Have shared this with no one yet. Plan to tell my wife today and my family tomorrow. Since its my birthday tomorrow, it does seem to have a poetic symmetry to it.
86. What have I decided for the future ? On food, will try to stick with a four bowls system. I think four large bowls will contain enough nourishment to sustain me. Will go back to eating everything though. I am a hard core non vegetarian and will remain true to my nature. Alcohol I plan to drink in moderation. Will avoid more than one drink unless at home / with family or in a one on one setting. For the most part, I would like to stick with water, drinking juices etc only if I really feel like it and not as a default. Sex, will see.
87. Am conscious that I will have to phase myself in, like a diver coming back up towards the surface, to ensure my body copes without becoming breaking down. Staying with the four bowls, eating mildly spiced food, trying to stick to at least one bowl of fruits are some of the things that are going to help. Am sure I will relish taste more, enjoy the simpler pleasures more. Look forward to all that. Am sure my journey over the next month will be as interesting as the last couple.
88. Just for the record. I was 81 kgs when I began and I’m 68 right now. I feel fit, energetic, bouncy. Clearer than ever. Calmer. Fresher. And very very glad I’ve experimented with self.
